Boys Gone Wild
(I think I could apply for a job as a Zookeeper)
So I’m sitting here trying to think of where to start, tasked with coming up with some stories about my life at home with my two sons, ages 6 and 8. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not hard to come up with stories. There are just so many to choose from. It’s more a matter of which ones to start with! I chose the title as I can easily relate to Jerry Seinfeld’s quote “Life with a toddler is like having a blender with the lid off”. Well that pretty much sums it up, and I hate to break it to you, but it goes from a blender without a lid to someone has snapped the “On” button right off and you can’t shut it down. EVER.
I love my boys more than anything in the world. The day each one of them came into my life were the happiest days I have known. But where in the history of parenting is it mentioned that you will have a six year old sleepwalk halfway down the stairs at midnight and mistake the stairwell for the toilet?!!? WHERE, I ask you?!
And then there’s the “rules”. Not our rules, THEIRS. My youngest absolutely has to brush his teeth first at night. I’m not sure what happens if this is not strictly adhered to, but to them you would think the world as we know it would cease to function. They have specific spots on the stairs where they sit to put on their shoes. God forbid one infringes on another’s carpet perimeter.
Now they say that kids repeat everything they hear, good and
bad. I have had to leave the room
laughing when asked by my oldest if two words (common swear words) put together
were “bad words”. Not my proudest
parental moment but I tell you, these are the things you will never forget.
Driving with my husband and my kids recently, an individual in a ratty old pick up truck cut us off. My husband, thinking the kids weren’t listening (tip: They are ALWAYS listening!) mumbled something not deemed suitable for young ears. We pulled up to a stoplight ahead, the pick up truck stopped beside us now. Our windows were down, being that it was a warm August day and my oldest leans across his younger brother to shout out the window “Hey, man – you drive like an IDIOT!!!”
And then there’s shopping with them. To be perfectly honest, I think I would rather opt for a root canal. And I’m pretty sure if asked, even though they’ve of course never had the pleasure, I think they would very likely say the same. I’m pretty smart these days, bringing their iPads along with us to plop them into shopping carts (yes, you read that right – they each have an iPad Air, courtesy of grandma at Christmas – heck, I don’t even have an iPad!!). This from the same woman who bought them each an iPod at ages 2 and 4. Seriously?! Is that the thing nowadays, where were these grandparents when I was little?!?!?!?! I got Monchichi and a Sit and Spin! Wow, I’m old.
Life with boys is not something you can explain to someone who has two girls, one boy, a girl and a boy or even two boys with a large age gap. It is a whole different experience you simply cannot put words to. Especially when said boys are only twenty one months apart! They spent a lot of time bonding this past summer and I, for one, was quite happy for the break in fights (it was only every hour or so, instead of every fifteen minutes!).
Our kids make us laugh every single day without fail. They are happy, kind, crazy, silly and rambunctious boys who love Minecraft and fart a lot. They hide each other’s favorite stuffies in bookcases, behind a book on horseback riding and show jumping (my passion in my other life, before so many grown up things began to seep in), they cry when the other one is getting into trouble for something, they draw tattoos on their hands with Sharpies and they write on the steps to the hot tub “It wasn’t me, Jaylen did it” (before Jaylen could write! Older brother BUSTED!). They draw chalk outlines of their bodies on the playground at school (here’s all the little girls drawing pretty flowers and rainbows, and then there’s our boys and their friends drawing crime scenes!)
I get in trouble from my husband for calling them by their pet names from baby days, “Gummy Bear” and “Lovebug”. Every once in a while I catch myself at school calling my oldest “Tysee Wysee”. Mental note: I’ve got to get a handle on that one before middle school or this kid is doomed.
Every day is an adventure. They test my patience to levels I didn’t even know existed before kids. But I also didn’t know how full of love my heart could be. These two little human beings have changed my life in so many ways, and I couldn’t imagine my life without them for one single moment.
My crazy boys never stop, from son up to son down - but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Blender with the Lid Off is right. Try having two of them, side by side on TURBO
All. The. Time.