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Those that know me, know that I like control. I lack patience. And I, am a planner. My sons birth went against ALL of these things. The day he was born taught me that sometimes in life, we have to just let go...
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Instead of verbally
sharing my birth story with everyone, I decided to write it out for you all,
and for myself. It was SUCH an
emotionally charged day that I wanted to have this as a written memory to look
back on and read and remember in the years to come. So enjoy, and read to the
end! Trust me, it gets good!
5:08am…. I woke up to use the washroom and the minute I opened my eyes, knew my
water was breaking as I lied there. I stood up and GUSH all over the carpet
even more! Ran to the bathroom….still coming. OMG – here we go! I was SO excited that I got to experience
this because both Marijah and Terrace were induced labors, so I had no idea
what it felt like for things to happen on their own! I woke Jace up and within
15 minutes – of course after a quick make up application – we were on route to
I was having
contractions immediately and thought this baby would be here within an hour or
two max, especially after being told that because Terrace was so fast, and this
was my 3rd child – things would go at warp speed….as my husband
would say, “A lie!”
We got to the
hospital and were put into a triage area in the Maternity Ward…aka make shift
room…until they assessed me and watched how things were going to progress. We
walked …and ate …and walked…and walked…and exercise ball’d it for hours! I was
checked and was 2-3cm dilated. Contractions were consistent and definitely
still manageable. During my pregnancy until 36 weeks, I had Placenta Previa.
Long story short – it’s when the placenta is too low and you automatically
become a candidate for a C Section because the cervix is being blocked and baby
won’t safely be able to come out. At 37 weeks, we had an ultrasound that stated
that my placenta had moved and we no longer had to worry about having the
surgery – I was finally all clear for a vaginal delivery and “NO, the placenta
can NOT move back down so do not worry about things changing.”….. Now skip
ahead to me getting checked…”You’re 2-3 cm dilated…and I can feel a ridge on
your cervix. I think it is your placenta (which yes, would mean it came down again).
In all my 28 years of doing this, I have never felt that before so I think we
need to get the specialist to come and take a look”
If I explain every
little detail, this birth story will be 17 pages so I won’t, but you can
imagine our confusion and concern when the Dr said this.” I thought the
placenta CAN NOT come back down?” From that point on in my labor, I was
reminded that this entire day…night….however long it was going to be was
completely out of my hands and in God’s hands. Whatever him and the baby had in
mind for our labor, was what was going to be….
The specialist came
and yes, my placenta was low again. But, he was confident that I could still go
ahead and try to have a regular birth so we went with his word and that was
“the plan.” (Note to self: the word PLAN does not exist during labor) They
admitted us into a beautiful room, Room #3 – ocean view and all - and this
would be where the magic would happen. I was hooked up to the baby/contraction
monitor, we were introduced to our amazing nurse Grace (how fitting!) and away
we went. My contractions were picking up, we were patiently progressing as we
watched them getting stronger and baby was happy and healthy with no issues
what so ever.
The Dr came again
and checked me a few hours later and even though it felt like things were
changing, I was still 2-3cm dilated. The Oxytocin IV was wheeled in and I
became a water balloon. Slowly but surely filling up with Saline and Oxy hoping
to get things going stronger and helping my cervix to open up. We started out
at a 2ml dose of the drug and ended up at 20ml – which is the maximum the
nurses are allowed to give! The Dr came in and used the hook to make sure ALL of my waters had broken and that
nothing was possibly holding up my labor that he could help out with. A few
contractions here and there were taking my breath away and moving around became
more and more uncomfortable. I started feeling that “pressure in the bum”
feeling that anyone that’s had a baby knows about….and when we feel that,
things are getting close! Grace called the Dr. in and actually started prepping
things for when I was going to start pushing….
“Still 2-3 cm
Crystal. The decision is up to you but you’ve been at this for a long time. His
head is still high and he’s not come down yet. I have a feeling he is face up
which would mean it’s very hard for him to tuck his chin and get into the birth
canal but there’s just no knowing. I am comfortable with whatever you decide
you’d like to do…”
We had now been at
the hospital for a good 15 hours. I had been in labor for all of these 15 hours.
I had been having Oxytocin pumped into me at a high dose for HOURS. And nothing
was happening. Unfortunately, because my water broke, I couldn’t just sit and
labor for the next 4 days and let my body go at its own pace. Everything in me
wanted a regular delivery. Everything in me wanted to experience every little
part of it with my husband. Even the excruciating pain. I wanted to squeeze his
hand. I wanted to look into his eyes. I wanted to go through all of it. I
looked at Jace and he told me that he would support whatever I felt we should
do. Against what I WANTED, my whole
being was telling me what I NEEDED
to do. A voice, so loudly, was telling me that I needed to choose to have a C
Section. So, I did. I told the Dr that I felt that was the route we should
We were left to
have a few minutes together before things got going. Jace and I held hands and
prayed that God would cover us during this time and that everything would be
OK. I had never even had a tooth pulled so the thought of a surgery – while
awake – So. Scary. I have never been so
in love with my husband as I was on this day. He was so easy. So loving. So
patient. My only reason for not completely losing it was because of this baby
on my inside and my husband on the outside.
Before we knew it,
these guys work FAST – the doctors and nurses came in and Jace was in his
scrubs - looking like he was all ready for his cameo on Greys Anatomy ( next
lifetime babe, definitely consider being a surgeon – it’s a good look on you
xoxo) They wheeled us downstairs to the Operating Room area and one by one, the
staff came out and introduced themselves to us before we were taken in.
Anesthesiologist came up to us with a somewhat concerned sound in his voice.
Very calmly he said, “You’ve had some blood work done that could possibly
suggest you have a mild bleeding disorder. There is no way possible that I can
take the risk of putting a spinal in your back. If you had a bleed, you could
Can you imagine? I can’t
even explain how his words felt…the level of emotion I felt in this very second….indescribable.
So what does that mean? That we are
holding off on delivery until we know more? That I can’t be frozen? What?????
“So, we will need
to put you under General Anesthetic Crystal. You will be asleep. And Jace will
not be allowed to be present while the surgery is taking place.”
I am crying right
now just writing this! In that very moment, the amount of questions yet the
amount of silence that simultaneously take over your mind….Speechless.
Absolutely heartbroken but with barely enough time to even focus on it. Knowing
we literally had seconds before they were going to wheel me into this room. To
put me to sleep. And to tell my husband to stand outside the door while his son
was being born….. So who was going to watch this miracle take place?
God. God would
watch. God would take the roll of both Jace and I and make sure everything was
ok. He would witness the miracle for us both and put enough love in both of our
hearts to know that whatever happened that we didn’t see….He will show us in
other ways. (I know some of you aren’t religious – but in this moment – whoever
or whatever you believe in becomes your EVERYTHING)
I looked at Jace as
they began to push me away – we said our I love you’s and before I knew it, I
was in the OR. With countless people around me, grabbing at all my limbs,
talking amongst each other about what was going to be happening to me. My arms
were strapped down. My belly was rubbed down….there was some extremely invasive
action going on below the belt…Aaand a mask coming onto my face and a lady
asking me about a beach. That’s the last thing I remember.
A 30 minute
surgery. A nurse that thankfully came
out and let Jace come and meet his newborn son after they weighed and measured
him. A 2 hour recovery room session for mama while daddy waited skin to skin
with baby up in our room….and we were all done. I don’t remember a thing other
than seeing two ladies on either side of me when I woke up. They wheeled me
upstairs and unfortunately I don’t remember very much of that. Jace has told me
everything that happened but it’s almost all a blur still. I remember feeling
like I had the best sleep of my life and seeing Grey and telling Jace “He’s so perfect.”
The Dr came to see how we were doing the next morning and actually told us that
the baby wasn’t facing the right way and that that’s the reason he wasn’t
coming down into my birth canal. He was also slightly tilted to the side so
things weren’t lined up quite enough for my labor to progress. So, our decision
was a good one. My intuition... The voice I heard was all for a reason.
It’s not an ideal
story by any means. I would have given anything
for us to see our son come into this world. Anything to have him see his mommy
and daddy as soon as he was born. But Grey is healthy. And he is completely
amazing. And on July 1st, 2016, some kind of magic took place. Magic
always has mystery to it and leaves us in awe. It also leaves us wondering Why?
Were ok with not
knowing. Everything happens for a reason. We are truly blessed and that is ALL that matters now.
Relatable. Real. Honest and Opinionated.....
Every family has their own kind of crazy! My door is open.... Come on in, grab a coffee and let me tell you about mine!
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